I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
