Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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