Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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