I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
