just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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