Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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