Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
