I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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