So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
