do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
