it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
