I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
