Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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