i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
