so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
