One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
