im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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