It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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