I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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