Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
