Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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