how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
