new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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