I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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