So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
