Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
