A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He has the fingertips of a God
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
