I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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