I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
