Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
