I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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