I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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