You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
