just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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