I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just had sex on a roof
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
