Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
