Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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