I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
