Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
