dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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