So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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