guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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