i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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