Only a mothe r could love this liver
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
