drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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