I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
