i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
