I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
