I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
