Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
