I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
