Your dad touched me again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize