remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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