Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
