he wants to bone in the snuggie
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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