Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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