I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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