did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
