I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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