we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
