BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
