did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
