Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
nutella sex= disaster
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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