are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize