Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
