that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
then he tried to convert me to islam
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
