Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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